Thursday, November 19, 2009

i tried to write this song before, but had no one to write it for

every time i look at this blog, i hate it more.

i just wish i was a better writer. i feel this same way about music, too. actually, i mostly feel this way about music. i'm afraid to start writing music, because i feel like every artist goes through a stage that i like to affectionately call the "this-is-my-early-stuff-and-it's-not-that-good, but-now-i'm-over-that-and-i-write-good-music" stage. it can even be further expanded to "i-don't-ever-really-talk-about-these-songs-or-play-them, they-were-just-my-learning-experience". growing pains. see, a lot of artists get through that stage early. ideally, i would have liked to go through that stage when i was 17 or 18, and it wouldn't have really distracted anyone from my super awkwardness. but like...if i go through it now, when i have a lot more friends, it'll be embarrassing. 

the biggest reason i don't write music though, is that i really don't think i have anything interesting to say. well, maybe some things are mildly interesting, but i'm not good at saying them interestingly. i feel like everything i have to say has already been said. what's more, i feel like everything i have to say has already been said in a more interesting way than i ever could have said it. so, why try to fix what's not broken? the whole thing seems so daunting to me. because i've been spoiled by such wonderful singer/songwriters (patty griffin, sufjan stevens, thom yorke, dave matthews, karen peris, sam beam, just to name a few), i feel like what i write is puny and stupid. not to mention having to write great lyrics and a great melody and a great chord progression, etc. i just want it to be simple. and people tell me it is, but i want it to be simple to me. 

so, until then, i remain an illegitimate musician. until then, i will forever introduce songs by saying "and here's another one i didn't write..." and people will laugh and i will laugh, but i'll feel a small pang of disappointment. it's not that i feel like i have so much inside me that i need to get out. 

that's just it. i don't. and that's weird. right?


taylor.goad said...

a. you need to watch this video. at least the first minute or so because it talks about what you are going through with your music.

b. it's just a slower process for some people. some people have to scrutinize over every detail to get it exactly how they want that. but you don't see that with the finished song. you just think "holy crap this is amazing"

like derek webb. he's one guy that spends months on one song.

c. you are a fantastic musician. don't be afraid to try and to fail.

i really hope that you do write music. i would love that so much.

Andy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Andy said...

I have this problem.
Here is the difference between you and me:
You can fix this problem.
You're a terribly talented person.
Write things. Be embarrassed. It'll sound good.
All you're friends will only tell how amazing it sounds.
The "Early-crappy-music" thing is only a stereotype.
Some great musicians put out awesome stuff, and stop on the spot. Even so, the good musicians sometimes start fantastic, and end up being just as good, just with a different style. Take Switchfoot for example.
If you don't believe me, then you should. Because we sang the hippopotamus song for small children, and i still heard that killer voice in silliness. And at Shades. That was also good. :)